Do you forgive easily

“The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgiven is the strongest. And the first to forget is the happiest.”

Do you forgive easily? Let bygones be bygones?

Or do you remember every mistake, wrong word or action a person has done to you and hold it against them?

Several times in the last week, people have brought up my past mistakes. Things done years or days ago. And they haven’t forgiven me for them.

It’s the little things I do like repeat myself, or forget something or stress about this or that they haven’t forgiven me for.  “I didn’t invite you to the event because I thought you wouldn’t want to go based on previous experiences,” one person told me.

I am not perfect – probably as far from perfection as a person could get. I have my faults, a long list of them.

I am trying to change. I want to change rapidly – but I find old habits – like nagging – are hard to break. I am trying.

But I don’t always feel people allow me to change. They see me as they want to see me – not as who I am trying to be.

And to be frank, if people don’t allow you to change what’s the point in trying to change?

My answer is to prove them wrong. Even if those around you tend to cast you in the same role, you can decide that’s not who you want to be.

The person I want to be is one who gives something whether big or small each day to make the world a better place – maybe it’s a kind word or holding the door open for someone or letting some take the closer to the door parking space. I try to be positive, optimistic and caring.

I know I am not strong enough to carry the weight of my grudges against others on my shoulders. There are too many people who have disappointed me in their actions or words that I know if I lodged each wrongdoing I would be weighed down and unable to move. I am respectful to those I don’t like figuring being rude doesn’t do anyone any good.

So I forgive. I trust each person I meet is doing the best he or she can and that there are days when the wrong words are said or the wrong actions are taken.

Who I am today isn’t who I will be tomorrow. With each day, I learn, grow and try to change.

I am not perfect. Never will be.

But I know my heart is in the right place, I know when I do nag it’s because I care and I know I am doing the very best I can.

That’s all any of us can ask of ourselves.