Jump or stay on deck?

I wanted to jump but my brain hit the emergency brake on my legs, locking them into place.

It looked so easy before I had climbed to the second deck of the boat anchored in Captain Cook’s Bay in Hawaii.

While snorkeling, I had watched my son Blake jump off the diving platform a dozen times into the Pacific Ocean. Without a care in the world or a second thought, he would launch himself off the diving platform with his legs peddling before he landed in the ocean. He emerged from the crystal blue water, laughing, than quickly swam back to the boat to jump off the diving board again or go down the slide.
  
I wanted to jump too. I thought I could do it. But standing at the edge of the diving platform, looking at the ocean 20 feet below I was overcome with trepidation, my breathing accelerated, my legs trembling, my body refusing to budge.

Was it fear of landing a perfect belly flop or losing my swimsuit that prevented me from moving? Or was it worse – was I becoming my mother – well-known for worrying about everything. Yes, I was worrying about everything possibly imaginable.

Taking a deep breath, I turned around and sat down on a nearby bench, allowing the people waiting in line to go before me.   

“Come on mom, just go,” Blake encouraged me, although slightly – OK – he’s a teenager – utterly and completely embarrassed I was related to him, worse yet – his mother.

Maybe it’s because I didn’t want to let him down or maybe it was because I didn’t want to look like a chicken, I walked slowly back to the diving platform, closed my eyes and jumped and was overcome with exhilaration of just letting and trusting all would be OK. And it was.

That was last March. Today I am standing at the edge of a different diving board – I want to jump but I have no idea what the water looks like or if there is even water. The argument in my head goes something like this – stay where you are in a job you know and where you are safe or jump into the unknown and follow your dream. Staying on deck is easy – no risk. Following my dream – too many unknown factors.

Stay put – stay in control. Jump – can’t control how often I will get work as a freelance writer. I love my current job but I am ready for a challenge and want a job closer to where I now live. And one of my New Year's Resolutions is to find a new job.

Are you someone who eagerly lets go and jumps into the unknown without fear instead confident everything will turn out just fine?

Or are you someone who needs a detailed game plan and has calculated every pro and con before you make a move?

I would appreciate any insight – perhaps a cautionary tale of the economic sensibility of staying on deck or what happened when you received a giant push into the unknown.

For now, I will just stand here with my toes slightly dangling over the edge, admiring the view and pondering the possibilities while calculating the pros and cons.